One of the easiest things to lose in single motherhood is yourself.
Not because you stop caring about yourself.
Not because you don’t want hobbies, friendships, quiet mornings, or time alone.
But because there is always someone who needs something.
Someone needs breakfast. Someone needs help finding their shoes. Someone is crying. Someone needs to be dropped off. Someone needs to be picked up. There’s work, laundry, dishes, appointments, groceries, bedtime, bills—and somehow you’re supposed to keep yourself functioning in the middle of all of it.
When you’re doing the job of two people, taking care of yourself can start to feel like a luxury.
But I’m learning that it isn’t.
I am a person, too.
I’m not just Mom.
I’m still a woman with things that make me feel alive. I still need quiet. I still need movement. I still need to laugh, wander around a store with no real purpose, listen to music too loud in the car, get dressed just because I want to feel pretty, or drink a coffee without someone asking me for a sip.
And sometimes taking care of myself looks incredibly ordinary.
Sometimes it’s waking up and working out before the chaos of the day begins. Not because I need to punish my body or make it smaller, but because moving my body makes me feel good. It gives me thirty minutes where I get to focus on me.
Sometimes it’s going for a walk.
Sometimes it’s setting aside an hour to walk around TJ Maxx by myself.
And I know that sounds silly.
But sometimes wandering through aisles I don’t need anything from, with no little hands pulling on me and nobody asking me a hundred questions, is exactly what my brain needs.
It’s not really about TJ Maxx.
It’s about remembering that I’m allowed to exist outside of what everyone needs from me.
There can be so much guilt attached to doing things for yourself as a mom—especially when you’re doing this mostly on your own.
There’s always something else that could be done with that time.
Another load of laundry.
Another room to clean.
Another errand.
Another thing for the kids.
But there will always be another thing to do.
And I don’t want to spend these years taking care of everyone else so completely that one day I look in the mirror and realize I have no idea who I am anymore.
My children deserve a mom who loves them deeply.
But I also need things too.
Things that are mine.
Mornings where I move my body.
An hour alone.
Friendships.
Hobbies.
To buy myself the coffee.
To sit in silence.
To do something simply because I enjoy it, not because it serves someone else.
And maybe one of the most important things I’ve had to remind myself lately is this:
I’m doing life for the first time, too.
My kids are learning how to be kids.
And I’m learning how to be their mom.
I’m learning how to be a single mom.
I’m learning how to carry responsibilities I never expected to carry alone. I’m learning how to heal while still packing lunches and doing school drop-offs. I’m learning how to build a life while simultaneously trying to keep three little lives steady.
I’m going to get overwhelmed.
I’m going to need breaks.
I’m going to have days where I don’t handle everything perfectly.
That doesn’t mean I’m failing.
It means I’m human.
So I’m trying to stop waiting until I’m completely depleted before I give myself permission to take care of me.
I want to make the workout part of the morning.
Take the walk.
Go to TJ Maxx.
Sit in the car for ten extra minutes.
Read the book.
Get the coffee.
Put on the outfit.
Make plans with a friend.
Do something that has absolutely nothing to do with being productive.
Because taking care of myself isn’t taking something away from my children.
It’s helping me come back to them with a little more patience, a little more energy, and a little more of myself left to give.
And more than that—
I don’t want my children to grow up believing that loving people means completely abandoning yourself.
I want them to see a mom who showed up for them fiercely, but who also learned to show up for herself.
A mom who remembered that she mattered, too.
So if you’re a single mom and you’ve been putting yourself at the very bottom of the list, consider this your reminder:
You are allowed to take up space in your own life.
You are allowed to do things simply because they make you happy.
You are allowed to need time away from being needed.
You are allowed to take care of yourself before you’re running on empty.
You are raising them.
You are providing for them.
You are loving them.
You are building a life for them.
But this is your life, too.
Don’t forget to live some of it for you.