Sometimes you don't recognize God's protection until you look back at everything He carried you through.
Yesterday, in the middle of my workday, I came across the meaning of my name.
Alisha — “Protected by God.”
And I almost started crying.
Right there. In the middle of work. In the middle of a completely ordinary day, doing completely ordinary things.
Three words.
Protected. By. God.
And I genuinely felt my heart drop.
It was one of those moments where something so simple reaches a place in your heart you weren't expecting it to reach.
I had to sit with it for a second.
Because if there is anything I know to be true about my life, especially after everything I've walked through, it's this:
God HAS protected me.
And not necessarily in the ways I thought He would.
Not always by keeping painful things from happening. Not always by answering my prayers the way I begged Him to. Not always by preserving the life I thought I was supposed to have.
But He has protected me.
And when I read those words today, it felt like years of hurt, confusion, fear, survival, and healing collided with one overwhelming realization.
I am still here because God has been faithful.
And maybe this is why the moment felt so overwhelming.
I've had this name my entire life.
Alisha.
I've written it on school papers, job applications, legal documents, and countless ordinary things.
I've heard people say it thousands of times.
I've introduced myself with it without ever thinking twice.
And today, in the middle of work, I read those three words and felt something shift inside me.
Protected by God.
It was as if I was suddenly looking back over my life through a different lens.
Not just seeing everything that went wrong.
Not just seeing everything I lost.
Not just seeing the ways I was hurt.
But seeing the God who continued to hold me through all of it.
And I almost cried because I realized how much I needed that reminder.
Sometimes I forget to look back and recognize how far God has already brought me.
I am not the same woman I was a year ago.
In some ways, that makes me sad.
There is an innocence I miss.
A version of myself who believed things would work out differently.
A version of myself who didn't know what was coming.
But there is also a version of me emerging that I am slowly learning to love.
A woman who is finding her voice.
A woman who is learning that she can be gentle and still have boundaries.
A woman who still believes in love, even after experiencing so much hurt.
A woman who is learning that she doesn't have to earn kindness.
A woman who is discovering that her worth was never dependent on whether someone else recognized it.
A woman who is still becoming.
And I believe God has been with me through every version.
Protected doesn’t mean untouched by pain.
I think this is the part I want to remember most.
Being protected by God doesn't mean nothing bad will ever happen to me.
It doesn't mean my life will be easy.
It doesn't mean I won't experience more grief, disappointment, or uncertainty.
It doesn't mean I will always understand what He's doing.
But it means that my suffering does not have the final word over my life.
It means that what happened to me does not get to define who I am.
It means that even when I feel completely powerless, I am not beyond His care.
Psalm 34:18 says:
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit”
And I think about that verse differently now.
Because I know what it means to have a broken heart.
I know what it means to feel like your entire life has been turned upside down.
I know what it means to wonder how you are going to keep going.
But I also know what it means to experience God's nearness in the middle of that brokenness.
Not always in ways I can explain.
Sometimes it's just a peace that doesn't make sense.
Sometimes it's the strength to do something I was convinced I couldn't do.
Sometimes it's a person showing up at exactly the right moment.
And sometimes it's something as small as reading the meaning of my own name in the middle of a workday.
And feeling my heart recognize a truth that my mind has been too busy to sit with.
He has protected me.
Not from every painful thing.
But He has kept me, sustained me, strengthened me, and refused to abandon me in the middle of them.
And that is worth stopping for.
That is worth crying over.
That is worth remembering.
My name is Alisha.
Protected by God.
And after everything I've walked through, I don't think those three words could mean any more to me than they do today.
I thought I was just reading the meaning of my name.
Instead, I found myself reflecting on the faithfulness of the God who has carried me through my entire story.
And I almost cried right there at work.
Not because everything has been easy.
But because, despite everything, I am still here.
And He has been so, so good to me.
Still, We Grow